i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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