I want to have your abortion
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
