I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
