he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
