Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i think my cat just said my name.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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