Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
