College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
