I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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