after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
