Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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