Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
