That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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