I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
