There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
