Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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