so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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