Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Randomize
