ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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