dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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