Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
