after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
