Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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