i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
