i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
