tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
