No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
