I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i dont even know how to be here
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
