Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
