I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
