So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
