a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
