Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
