I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
