i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't deserve a penis
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
