butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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