somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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