True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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