'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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