Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
