If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This toilet bowl is my home.
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