ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
