It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
