I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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