I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
