quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
