I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
