hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
