I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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