I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
