Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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