cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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