I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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